It is not the norm for helpers to eat with the family, but it is also not unusual. It is also a very common sight where Helpers join their employers on the same table when dining out. However, certainly most Helpers would never expect to eat at the employers’ table.
While you may feel uncomfortable with her eating in the kitchen or in her room, she most probably will not. There are also variations, where helpers eat with the family one day a week, or on their birthday, or with the children when the parents are out.
We have employers who sit down together with the helper during dinner and they feel absolutely alright about it. It depends very much on how you feel about your helper being at the table. It also depends on how your helper feels about sitting at the table. Many helpers feel deeply uncomfortable with such an arrangement. You’re the boss, so you decide on house rules.
While you should be kind and respectful to your helper, she is not a house guest and you are not required to be “social”. If you are not comfortable having your Helper dining on the same table, then don’t! Meals may be some of the rare moments you get to spend quality time with your family, or you may want to discuss sensitive-related topics, or you might just want to speak your mother tongue – and they are all valid reasons.